Actually, About Me 

 

My name is Mariana Pereira, 38 years old, mother, wife, theatre practitioner; I exist in the intersection point between all these roles. I chose to work with theatre because it is the art form closest to real life, and as a great fan of life and art, there could not be anything more suitable for me to do. Through theatre/drama I constantly rediscover who I am, in an endless reinvention of myself. 

 

As many women, I feel much pressure to exceed in every aspect of my life and, often, I feel that I am failing on something. Sometimes, I feel alone and isolated, other times, I feel connected and in harmony with others. The struggles of life are there for everyone to experience, regardless of their roles and place in society; however, being a mother changes the scenario a bit. Although my identity is still placed somewhere in the intersection between all the roles I take in life, my responsibility as a mother, together with the love and care I have for my child, is more important and necessary than anything else. I am not talking about the feasible time I spend with my son, but the inner choice I make to privilege him over everything else. This maternal ambivalence, in which my personal needs and desires dialogue with my mother role, has become my biggest challenge and, yet, the most wonderful human experience I have encountered. 

 

Mothers learn to live with this ambivalence on an everyday basis to the point that they forget that it even exists. We face this very complex role of being a mother in a society that expects nothing but perfection from us. Anything we do, and the way we do, is under the scrutiny of others (and our own!). With such close surveillance, how can we begin to embrace the ambivalent aspects of ourselves? How and where can we ACKNOWLEDGE and CELEBRATE our ambivalence?  

 

These very personal questions have become the theme of my work and research.